So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
