Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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