im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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