It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
