and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
