i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
