i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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