Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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