I have demons in me.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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