i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
