So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
