You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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