Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
