I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
