they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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