I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
try to milk me bitch
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
