i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
