dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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