That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
