you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
