Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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