her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
