Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
