Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
