Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she told me i tasted like america
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
