so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
