Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
