mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
