i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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