My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
