i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
