My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
