My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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