bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
