Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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