no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
