I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
