Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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