I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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