I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
