Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
