Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
