shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
