I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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