Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
