I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
