Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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