my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
