Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
MIDGETS
????
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
