i don't like sucking hair
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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