dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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