There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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