Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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