Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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