My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
